Okay, so basically people think that anxiety is nothing serious right? That it can be cured, or you can recover from it.
THAT IS A LIE.
You never recover. You learn how to cope, but you never recover, and anxiety should NOT be taken lightly.
Some people are lucky to have mild anxiety which could range from social anxiety to anxiety about anything. My point is all types of anxiety are valid.
Okay, basically here are the two types of anxiety that I have.
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Which basically means... I worry about everything. I worry about 10/24 hours a day. Its exhausting. It's like having this constant nagging that tells me I will screw up if I do something that is out of my comfort zone, or basically just.. my own voices that keep repeating in my head. "Am I good enough?" "Will I succeed?" "What if people don't like me?" "I really need to stop laughing like that." "God, I am so weird and lame"
Basically.. Negative thoughts take over, and make my anxiety a lot worse..
Also! Due to my deafness, I have social anxiety. I worry about what I say, I worry when people don't text me back, I worry when I make a joke, is it not funny enough, I worry about pissing people off. I worry about pretty much saying anything. Its just a pain in the ass. Even now, I worry about writing about anxiety even though, I shouldn't be worried.
I just worry about saying things that come out wrong, when I do not mean things a specific way, or another way.
I worry about losing people I love, I worry about pretty much anything really. I worry that I would be good enough, I worry about... a lot of things. I worry if people hate me, which I know.
ITS A HELL OF A LOT TO WORRY ABOUT. ITS EXHAUSTING AS HELL I KNOW.
Nevertheless, I am just a normal girl who loves to watch Netflix, chill with her friends, chat with her boyfriend and I may have anxiety but, I am trying to not let it take over my life :)
Monday, January 25, 2016
Monday, January 18, 2016
10 Reasons...
10 Reasons Why I love My Boyfriend
1) He is the best at puns
2) He is so creative when writing
3) I can't stay mad at him because he makes me laugh when I am actually mad.
4) He's shown me love like no other guy.
5) He's so brilliant, I am constantly in awe.
6) Whenever we share a joke, we just look at each other and laugh. I love those small moments
7) He writes me small notes once in a while that makes me smile
8) He's excited about our future together
9) He reassures me so much. It's actually really helpful with my anxiety.
10) This list could go on and on. I just love him very much
A big shout out to my snarky, sweet, intelligent, loving, brilliant future soulmate ❤️
Childhood nostalgia
So basically I was on my Facebook, earlier tonight. And I see that someone decided to share a link of childhood books that basically brought me down memory lane.
One was Chicka Chicka boom boom, I have fond memories of my mom reading the story at night, before we went to bed. And she would always speak and sign at the same time "Chicka Chicka BOOM BOOM"
Another book was Strega Nona, that I realized I had forgotten until the name popped up on the list. I remember Strega Nona was one of the nicest ladies in her Italian village. And I just loved that book :)
I loved all the books on the list.
On the list were also Peter Rabbit, Good Night Moon, Velveteen Rabbit, and Corduroy!
Ahh, such fond memories of books that remind me of my youth ❤️
I loved them all. I'm about to cry from all the nostalgia that the list gave me. It was just a good list and I loved seeing it. As a 90s person, I love seeing things that remind me of the early 90s- late 90s. It's what I grew up with. One day I'll read my kids those books if they're still around
Welcome to the messy pit of my thoughts.
For some reason. I don't know WHY but looking at my friends pictures from college, looking at my friends pictures from traveling so much....
Makes me feel like looking at my own life and thinking I've accomplished nothing so far.
I feel like a huge failure because... I don't live on my own, I don't have a college degree, I don't drive, I don't get along with my family all the time, I just... Feel very down sometimes and it sucks.
Basically I'm jealous that everyone got to make friends in college, and because of that they have friends that will stay for a lifetime with them.
I'm jealous because they can travel together, and they can bring their friends over for thanksgiving, I'm jealous because... I wish I knew where I fit in in the social circle..
But at the same time I tell myself.. Maybe I wasn't meant to fit in anywhere. So right now, I've been struggling to find a creative outlet to grow and accomplish as myself. And to find what I need in life.
Just basically... Me.
I'm a person who gets insecure at times, I'm almost always anxious, but hiding it in front of people is what I'm good at. Blogging helps me escape my anxiety. It helps me escape the grasps that anxiety holds on me.
People don't understand that anxiety is real. It's not a simple "omg I wore the wrong shirt today lol I'm so embarrassed" no. If I wear the wrong shirt or I wear something that screws up my entire outfit, my whole mood shifts.
Another thing. For some people, "Oh he won't text back, no biggie" for me, "was it something I said? Oh no, did something happen? Is everything okay with us?" And that's a problem I face all the time.
I'm working on it, I don't fully recover from anxiety but... I'm learning how to cope and that's all that matters :)
About me: Expanded.
Hey readers!
I am sure you saw one of my previous posts, introducing myself as a deaf person.
"But how do you hear music if you're deaf?"
"Do you lip read?"
"How do you know what people are saying?"
Let me say this. First of all, ever since I was an infant, my parents never knew I was deaf until I was maybe... 10 months old? I do not remember, and I will have to ask my parents if thats accurate, but whatever. My dad told me that he found out I was deaf, how? One time, he was holding me, I was really young, and he just randomly called out my mother. Loudly, I assume; because a few seconds later I started bawling my eyes out. My parents were so confused. They did not know why I randomly started crying! Well, they took me to the doctor for an audiology test. I failed the tests so, basically.. The doctor said I have hearing loss. My parents were heartbroken but my mother decided to take ASL/SEE class to be able to help me communicate, and to communicate with me. My dad had another idea. He did sign but not too much. At two years old, I became old enough to wear hearing aids, so they went ahead and got me hearing aids.
Ever since I was little, I remember, my parents teaching me how to say things, my parents had me go to speech classes for as long as I could remember! (I hated my speech teacher in high school by the way) I had one speech teacher who I really liked, but something happened and she left to teach at another school. Then after that I hated my speech teacher. But anyway, thats not the point.
Back to my using hearing aids. Because I have worn hearing aids since the age of 2, my brain and ears already have been trained for so long to use my residual hearing to help me grow up in a world of hearing people.
How do you understand the music and words?
Honestly, if it were not for the internet and the written lyrics, I would have NO freaking idea what my favorite artists were singing back then. I had to read lyrics over and over and over just to be able to understand what was being sung, but now I can sing along without using the lyrics.
Do you lip read?
Yes I lip read. It is quite exhausting but I lip read when I have to. It helps a lot. I would have to say though.. Because I have grown up in a more.. hearing environment, lip reading comes a bit easier than if I grew up in a deaf school. But thats just my opinion. Not trying to sound snobbish or anything.
How do you know what people are saying?
Well, like I have already explained. Since I was two, I have been around people who spoke for the majority of the time. The human brain is complex, and I am blessed to have been able to pick up what people talk about at a young age. Granted, I still get left out at times. But most of the time, I can talk to my family, I can talk to my friends, I can carry a conversation for the most part. If I know the person very well, it's easier for me to lip read because... Obviously its a person who I know.
So.. Yeah. I hope that expands your knowledge of my deafness!
Deafness is varied. Some people have severe to profound, and wear hearing aids just like me but can't identify words with lip movements. Some people don't wear hearing aids at all, but can understand lip reading perfectly. It varies :)
Thank you for reading! If you have any more questions feel free to ask me :) I won't be offended.
I am sure you saw one of my previous posts, introducing myself as a deaf person.
"But how do you hear music if you're deaf?"
"Do you lip read?"
"How do you know what people are saying?"
Let me say this. First of all, ever since I was an infant, my parents never knew I was deaf until I was maybe... 10 months old? I do not remember, and I will have to ask my parents if thats accurate, but whatever. My dad told me that he found out I was deaf, how? One time, he was holding me, I was really young, and he just randomly called out my mother. Loudly, I assume; because a few seconds later I started bawling my eyes out. My parents were so confused. They did not know why I randomly started crying! Well, they took me to the doctor for an audiology test. I failed the tests so, basically.. The doctor said I have hearing loss. My parents were heartbroken but my mother decided to take ASL/SEE class to be able to help me communicate, and to communicate with me. My dad had another idea. He did sign but not too much. At two years old, I became old enough to wear hearing aids, so they went ahead and got me hearing aids.
Ever since I was little, I remember, my parents teaching me how to say things, my parents had me go to speech classes for as long as I could remember! (I hated my speech teacher in high school by the way) I had one speech teacher who I really liked, but something happened and she left to teach at another school. Then after that I hated my speech teacher. But anyway, thats not the point.
Back to my using hearing aids. Because I have worn hearing aids since the age of 2, my brain and ears already have been trained for so long to use my residual hearing to help me grow up in a world of hearing people.
How do you understand the music and words?
Honestly, if it were not for the internet and the written lyrics, I would have NO freaking idea what my favorite artists were singing back then. I had to read lyrics over and over and over just to be able to understand what was being sung, but now I can sing along without using the lyrics.
Do you lip read?
Yes I lip read. It is quite exhausting but I lip read when I have to. It helps a lot. I would have to say though.. Because I have grown up in a more.. hearing environment, lip reading comes a bit easier than if I grew up in a deaf school. But thats just my opinion. Not trying to sound snobbish or anything.
How do you know what people are saying?
Well, like I have already explained. Since I was two, I have been around people who spoke for the majority of the time. The human brain is complex, and I am blessed to have been able to pick up what people talk about at a young age. Granted, I still get left out at times. But most of the time, I can talk to my family, I can talk to my friends, I can carry a conversation for the most part. If I know the person very well, it's easier for me to lip read because... Obviously its a person who I know.
So.. Yeah. I hope that expands your knowledge of my deafness!
Deafness is varied. Some people have severe to profound, and wear hearing aids just like me but can't identify words with lip movements. Some people don't wear hearing aids at all, but can understand lip reading perfectly. It varies :)
Thank you for reading! If you have any more questions feel free to ask me :) I won't be offended.
My thoughts about internet and love.
Okay, here's another thought.. This writing is really easy!
I have been seeing articles here and there that put a label on love. For example, if your lover does this.. break up with him. If your lover does that, then you need to have a talk.
I am going to sound like a B I T C H when I say this but... Articles that talk about love need to be burned.
No one. NO ONE has the picture perfect relationship that the movies, the books, and the magazines, seem to talk about. Yes, there are couples who are blessed to live their life a certain way. But I feel that those kind of articles are shaming couples. I mean what happened to BE YOURSELF. And no one else is the judge of your relationship. Just because you read an article about someone being cheated on, does NOT mean you are being cheated on. Just because some article claims that your sex life is dull, does NOT mean your sex life is dull. Just because some freaking article claims that you need to change up your life, DOES NOT MEAN YOU DO IT! The people who write those articles really sound like freaking know it alls and it pisses me off because.. Those people don't know you. Those people don't know your significant other! Articles may claim that you and your partner act a specific way and that may seem like the love is fading. WELL guess what? You and your partner are probably just really comfortable with each other! So do not rely on some bullshit articles. See, the human brain is really easy to be manipulated. Like I said.. Social media and the internet are having a lot of power on us since the last 10 years, more so in the last 5 years. Which is really sad! People should NOT believe everything they read. "Your lover may seem tired, and lonely, and upset. That means he/she/xe/they does/do not love you anymore." Yeah, well guess what? Maybe your partner just had a really bad day. In fact, if your partner is the kind who you KNOW will never leave you, then.. Why base your worries on some article that claims that youre gonna be miserable with them? Cuz you are not!
I recently read a few articles that claimed "If you don't get so excited when you talk to them anymore, you don't love them. The spark is simply not there" No, that is just bullshit. In fact, I LOVE my man. More than anything! We just became more comfortable with each other to the point where talking to each other is basically second nature. Its basically becoming more natural, and honestly, love is more complicated than rainbows and butterflies. It does not mean cloud nine all the time. Talking to my man is second nature to me now. Even if its about nothing, it would still feel weird to just not say anything to him. Because he's my love. He's my best friend. He is the only one who knows all of me. He knows when I'm pissed, (sometimes, hehe sorry honey if you see this <3), he knows when I am sad, he KNOWS what makes me happy.
So basing your love and your partner's love on some article is just stupid because.. That means you have a lot more to work out than just your relationship. And that is the cold, hard, brutal truth. Call me a bitch, and get mad at me. But if you truly felt secure in your relationship you would not feel the need to compare your love life as to a story in a magazine.
I have been seeing articles here and there that put a label on love. For example, if your lover does this.. break up with him. If your lover does that, then you need to have a talk.
I am going to sound like a B I T C H when I say this but... Articles that talk about love need to be burned.
No one. NO ONE has the picture perfect relationship that the movies, the books, and the magazines, seem to talk about. Yes, there are couples who are blessed to live their life a certain way. But I feel that those kind of articles are shaming couples. I mean what happened to BE YOURSELF. And no one else is the judge of your relationship. Just because you read an article about someone being cheated on, does NOT mean you are being cheated on. Just because some article claims that your sex life is dull, does NOT mean your sex life is dull. Just because some freaking article claims that you need to change up your life, DOES NOT MEAN YOU DO IT! The people who write those articles really sound like freaking know it alls and it pisses me off because.. Those people don't know you. Those people don't know your significant other! Articles may claim that you and your partner act a specific way and that may seem like the love is fading. WELL guess what? You and your partner are probably just really comfortable with each other! So do not rely on some bullshit articles. See, the human brain is really easy to be manipulated. Like I said.. Social media and the internet are having a lot of power on us since the last 10 years, more so in the last 5 years. Which is really sad! People should NOT believe everything they read. "Your lover may seem tired, and lonely, and upset. That means he/she/xe/they does/do not love you anymore." Yeah, well guess what? Maybe your partner just had a really bad day. In fact, if your partner is the kind who you KNOW will never leave you, then.. Why base your worries on some article that claims that youre gonna be miserable with them? Cuz you are not!
I recently read a few articles that claimed "If you don't get so excited when you talk to them anymore, you don't love them. The spark is simply not there" No, that is just bullshit. In fact, I LOVE my man. More than anything! We just became more comfortable with each other to the point where talking to each other is basically second nature. Its basically becoming more natural, and honestly, love is more complicated than rainbows and butterflies. It does not mean cloud nine all the time. Talking to my man is second nature to me now. Even if its about nothing, it would still feel weird to just not say anything to him. Because he's my love. He's my best friend. He is the only one who knows all of me. He knows when I'm pissed, (sometimes, hehe sorry honey if you see this <3), he knows when I am sad, he KNOWS what makes me happy.
So basing your love and your partner's love on some article is just stupid because.. That means you have a lot more to work out than just your relationship. And that is the cold, hard, brutal truth. Call me a bitch, and get mad at me. But if you truly felt secure in your relationship you would not feel the need to compare your love life as to a story in a magazine.
Do you ever..
Do you ever stay up at night... wondering what goes on in our body when we sleep? Do you ever.. sometimes look at someone, and observe what goes on in their mind? Am I the only one who likes to do that? I see pictures of my friends, and sometimes I like to imagine the scenarios of what leads up to that specific picture. Sometimes, I look at a person's eyes. Because usually the eyes tell the untold stories. Normally I try not to seem like I creep too hard, because.. I could end up pissing someone off, lol. But just from a distance, I like to watch people. See how they interact with the world, see how they act to their significant other, family member, or even their pet.
It's quite interesting. And sometimes when you come up with stories in your head, it can be fun. Now, I am not saying I am right, but sometimes I get a vibe from people, and I can tell whether or not we would get along with each other. Sometimes I look at someone and tell myself "Just stay friendly, but not super friendly" Sometimes, it will just click in my head, that the person I get a vibe from, needs a friend. Sometimes, I just look at someone and think "What the hell."
-shrugs- who knows, really. Basically, when I was a kid, I remember that my mother used to say "Don't judge a book by its cover" because we never know what someone may be going through.
Do you ever wonder... If maybe your old friends.. wished they were just as close to you as they used to be? Do you ever wonder.. if things were different, what would happen, and where would you be?
I think its nice to take a step back, be anonymous, and just... take time to think about what could other people be going through. Not based on Facebook, or Twitter, or any social media sites for that matter. But... People in front of you. You may not realize it but someone in front of you COULD want to be a friend to you.
We are so wrapped up in social media, and going "Omfg, that person broke up with that person did you know that" or "Omfg, that person posted a bad picture of their kid, so that must be what they are actually like in real life" No.
Just because of whats on social media, does not make it true. And just because its NOT on social media does not make it false.
The media hype has everyone assuming way too many things. Misunderstandings, and miscommunications happen. The important thing is to know, and trust the people who you KNOW you can trust.
And don't rely on social media. Not everything is what they seem online.
It's quite interesting. And sometimes when you come up with stories in your head, it can be fun. Now, I am not saying I am right, but sometimes I get a vibe from people, and I can tell whether or not we would get along with each other. Sometimes I look at someone and tell myself "Just stay friendly, but not super friendly" Sometimes, it will just click in my head, that the person I get a vibe from, needs a friend. Sometimes, I just look at someone and think "What the hell."
-shrugs- who knows, really. Basically, when I was a kid, I remember that my mother used to say "Don't judge a book by its cover" because we never know what someone may be going through.
Do you ever wonder... If maybe your old friends.. wished they were just as close to you as they used to be? Do you ever wonder.. if things were different, what would happen, and where would you be?
I think its nice to take a step back, be anonymous, and just... take time to think about what could other people be going through. Not based on Facebook, or Twitter, or any social media sites for that matter. But... People in front of you. You may not realize it but someone in front of you COULD want to be a friend to you.
We are so wrapped up in social media, and going "Omfg, that person broke up with that person did you know that" or "Omfg, that person posted a bad picture of their kid, so that must be what they are actually like in real life" No.
Just because of whats on social media, does not make it true. And just because its NOT on social media does not make it false.
The media hype has everyone assuming way too many things. Misunderstandings, and miscommunications happen. The important thing is to know, and trust the people who you KNOW you can trust.
And don't rely on social media. Not everything is what they seem online.
Introductory post.. I don't bite!
Hello, fellow reader! Whoever is reading this..
I have never blogged before so bear with me.
First off, I am going to introduce myself, without using my real name because for now I want to keep myself anonymous.
I am a deaf female, who loves music, loves to color, loves fashion, and makeup. Basically, I am your typical.. "white girl"
Also, I love sushi, and I love trying new kinds of foods.
I've always wanted to start a blog but I have had no idea what to write about. Hopefully the next few weeks to next few months I will get an idea of what to write about. :)
I have never blogged before so bear with me.
First off, I am going to introduce myself, without using my real name because for now I want to keep myself anonymous.
I am a deaf female, who loves music, loves to color, loves fashion, and makeup. Basically, I am your typical.. "white girl"
Also, I love sushi, and I love trying new kinds of foods.
I've always wanted to start a blog but I have had no idea what to write about. Hopefully the next few weeks to next few months I will get an idea of what to write about. :)
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